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Coaching
is Helping People Learn
From
www.CoachingPastors.com
What’s
the difference between coaching and mentoring? At first, they seem very
similar. Both are one-on-one relationships where they coach or mentor
invests in someone he or she believes in. Both involve regular meetings,
use covenants to structure the relationship, and use support, encouragement
and accountability to help people grow.
Now
here’s the difference. A mentor is a more senior individual who imparts
what God has given (wisdom, opportunities, counsel) to a more junior
person. A coach draws out the abilities God has put in someone
else.
Here’s
an example of each approach. A pastor has a job opportunity that would
move his career forward but requires relocating across the country and
leaving friends and family behind:
| The
Mentoring Approach
“That
sounds like a great opportunity! It must be rewarding to be recognized
like this.
“Yeah,
it sure is!”
“I
had a couple of opportunities like this when I was a youth pastor.
One was a great move, the other was a disaster.”
“What
was the difference?”
“One
was a young, suburban community church with a lot of people in our
age group. My wife really thrived on the fellowship, and she loved
the cultural opportunities in the city. The other was a country
church in Nebraska where people were spread out all over. They offered
me 40% more than what I had been making, plus the senior pastor
role, which was a big step up. But my wife never felt like she fit
in, she never really made friends, and it was very hard on her and
our marriage. In retrospect, she didn’t really want go but she was
deferring to me. I didn’t really tune into what my wife was saying,
and that was a mistake. What are you hearing from your wife on this
decision?” |
The
Coaching Approach
“That
sounds like a great opportunity! It must be rewarding to be recognized
like this.
“Yeah,
it sure is.”
“Let’s
think it through. How would this change your life relationally?”
“Well,
probably the biggest difference is with my parents. We’ll miss going
over for Sunday dinner, and the free babysitting. Vacations and
dates will be a lot tougher. Oh! Mom and dad are going to really
miss doing the grandparent thing. I better talk this through with
them.”
“Is
that a step you want to take?”
“Yes.
I’ll do that this Sunday.”
“How
else will this affect your relational life?”
“We’ll
be able to make new friends eventually. It’ll be harder for Patrice,
because I’ll be spending a lot of time at the church while she is
stuck at home with the kids. Her mom’s group is a big deal for her.
We better talk that one over, too. I can check and see if the church
has a mom’s group, too…” |
The
mentor is showing the younger pastor the ropes and giving wise counsel
gained from life experience. He’s conveying information the client might
need by sharing personal story and drawing a lesson from it. Mentoring
focuses around one person imparting to another.
Instead
of giving counsel, the coach asks questions to help the pastor think things
through and take action on what he chooses to do. By pushing him to think
instead of offering advice, the coach builds the pastor’s decision-making
ability. And because the pastor developed his own solutions, he really
“owns” them and is more likely to carry them out.
When
mentoring, you are teaching a person, letting him draw from you or learn
from your experience. When you’re coaching, you’re pushing a person to
draw from his or her own resources and experiences. Coaching is helping
people learn instead of teaching them.
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